Inevitable

Goodbyes, heartbreaks, sadness and change, are inevitable.
As much as I hate all of these, it will still happen.
Time and time again I try to push myself away from people so that I will not feel this way, but You have proven to me that it is completely fine to trust in all of these.
Yes I don't like to feel this way, but to advance to a higher level, this must happen.

Moving on to a greater and fresher start... Firmly believe that You have greater plans in stored.

My heart and my soul yearns for some glimmer of hope in a certain situation, but yet time again I am just faced with a fact that the outcome will always be the same.
I don't want to feel this way! But the results never fail to disappoint me...
Thinking of what will happen to me in the future, I don't want to have a hardened heart...

My mind seems to have a life of its own, though I will try my best not to over think and worry, my mind never fails to lead me there.
I don't want to think bout it...

Desperately in need of someone whom I can just talk to, someone who will just listen... And let me pour my heart out without judging or giving comments...
Right now I just need someone to listen to, feeling like there's so many things in my heart though there isn't...

How bad do I want this?

The reason for me being so successful a few years back was because I would question myself on a daily, if not hourly about how bad and how much do I want this?
I would always ask myself, how bad do I want this? What am I willing to sacrifice for it? What would I do before I can achieve it?

Now looking back, I pray and wish that I will have that mentality and continue to question myself this on a daily basis.
Motivation does not come to you, you look for the motivation to keep you going. And here I am pushing hard to get that motivation and drive again, in all the aspects of my life..

Be it in ministry, studies, family and dancing, how much am I willing to sacrifice for it?
I want to be able to look back and know that I have done my best, to know that I want that so badly.

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Was just reading a book just now, and the main character suffered a lot but in the end, she managed to graduate with a full degree of dance choreography. Though this is just some fictional story, I would definitely wish that I am able to reach such a level.
With all these things surfacing in my life showing how I want this, I need to get my butt off lazing around.
With hard work and pain, I can achieve what I want...

On a random note, I find it completely normal and I actually love it when I perspire during dance, but I absolutely hate it when I perspire doing something else. Walking, running, standing under the sun etc...
I love the tiredness of my body, the muscle aches I feel and the blisters that never fail to form under my feet.
Proves to show how hard I am pushing myself.
Now is the time to apply this in my studies.

Looking 7 months ahead, I will NOT regret this.
How bad do I want this?

We can watch the sunrise

Why am I not surprise with the things that are happening now?

Was thinking bout everything last night and I guess we are at a stage 4 or 5...
Somewhere somehow I guess one of us stopped trying.
Will still and am still trying, I'm not gonna let this just fall.

Of all the things that are happening, I cannot believe that the things I thought would never happen is happening now...
At times I ask myself why is this happening? Yet at times I am thankful that this is happening...

Still trying to swallow the lump in my throat

I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper

Why do we pretend nothing is wrong when EVERYTHING is wrong?
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Time to be real...
I guess somehow, somewhere along the way I've changed.
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Help me, save us, save me.

Close your precious eyes and just realize I'm still fighting

I am...
Anticipating many awesome things coming soon this year.
The future has been pretty much set. Church, family time, getting over with O's and dancing.

I find it such a joke to look at myself from a different point of view.
Imagining myself, seeing a physical me doing the things I do. I tell myself, Study hard, yet here I am wasting my time...
Looking at Me through my eyes, am I happy with what I am?
Guess it's not up to me to decide.

A year before, I still remembered what i did. Thank You for that..... Am advancing to yet another level. Be strong Eugenia.

I don't want to wake up and find, that I let another year go by, wasted.

I thought I was ready to bleed.

I just had the time of my life a few days back. Dancing in yet a whole new level.
Dancing for the audience of One. Wow that is just an honor for me and such a blessing and joy!
Hope Conf just brought me to a new level.
I guess this is time for me to get to know myself better. I feel that people know me better than I know myself...


For all the joy and happiness, it must obviously come to an end. Though my heart is still praying that studies can wait,
I'm still hoping with a fragile heart that my studies will have a 180 degree transformation. Still staying positive knowing that all good things come to those who wait on Him...

Just a short reminder to myself: please rest. Take time to think and renew myself.
Am keeping a fighting spirit knowing that above all these situations, You are still watching me, looking after me.


I know for sure that my future is in Your hands.

Hoping with an eager heart

To those whose hope is gone, I hope this will change you and find your hope in Him again...